464 pages 

Publishers: Allen & Unwin

Writing a review of a book I’ve just finished, with difficulty: for the most part I had my heart in my mouth and it left me gasping and weepy. Almost every chapter in either Olivia’s or Lily’s voice was able to do that to me, churn my insides constantly, like a mixer at a building site, one that’s being torn down and rebuilt simultaneously.

It’s a book that sensitizes you to so many subjects- especially the life of bees and that of the transgender. I knew a lot about the latter, having borne a trans girl myself, but I knew little about the former.

‘Beekeeping is the world’s second-oldest profession.’

It was absolutely fascinating.

Olivia, the bee-keeper by default, who cares for the bees with such passion and care, you truly begin to care for them yourself. When a bear destroys some of the hives, she is heartbroken and tries to mend the loss, knowing it’s almost impossible.

“Tomorrow, I’ll give them the kindness of extra food in a hive-top feeder and I’ll wrap the new box, but it’s hospice care. There are some trajectories you cannot change, no matter what you do.” 

Picoult writes of the bees’ movements in such a clever way: “the direction of the dance is the route toward the food; the length of the dance is a measure of total distance. Several other bees watch, too, and then fly away, armed with GPS choreography.”

The narrators are a battered woman, Olivia, and a trans girl, Lily. Which author has written in whose voice isn’t easy to decipher, seamless as the narrative is. One writes about the past, the other delves into the present-future. You, the reader, are held captive.

Asher, a young high schooler and his mother Olivia live in a town called Adams in New Hampshire. Lily, a young girl and her mother, Ava Campanello, move to this town to get away from their previous life. What ensues after their move, and well before in both families’ lives, forms the crux of this tale of transformation, young love, acceptance and what it truly means.

Asher and Lily- their love story is the pivot upon which the narrative plants its centre, as it moves between Olivia’s and Lily’s voices, both recounting their distinct lives. Olivia shares her emotions, confessing every now and then how hard it has been to define what being a woman truly means. It became easier when she chose to leave with her little boy and chart a new course.

Lily’s journey, while different from Olivia’s is also about identity, but not grappling with it; simply seeking acceptance for having being born in the wrong body. She knows she is a girl. However, her ‘transhood’ must stay secret in her new life, as it has been brutally held against her.  It’s heart-wrenching.

Lily is a cellist – she says, “The first time I played the cello, it felt like holding the body of a woman in my arms. Even as a little kid, I thought, Who is she? And the obvious answer: the person I’d eventually grow up to be.” This left me agape.

How do I describe the exquisite writing of both Picoult and Boylan? You have to read the story to feel it in your bones and in your heart. The realness of the writing disallows the belief that this is a work of fiction after all. There is no point at which I did not grieve for the mothers, or the children; that I did not want to see the men go to prison for the wreckage they caused in their family’s lives. And it isn’t as if all the men are portrayed as evil in the story.

“I mean, you feel what you feel. I don’t know if there’s any point to deciding whether it’s good or bad.” Yes. True. You can’t box all of your emotions, can you?

There is suspense and there is courtroom drama. The narrative never quite lets up. You devour page after page; rivetted, torn asunder or simply waiting for that lump in your throat to melt away.

When Lily falls in love, and there is sex, the dilemma of her truth eats into her- will her confession to Asher have him reject her? Isn’t she Lily anyway, regardless of the container?

How many transwomen and men have had to suffer this indignity? Countless I am told.

“Because a lot of the trans people I’ve seen seem a little apologetic, like they’re somehow begging the world for permission just to be themselves.”

This hit home, like so many, many other portions from Lily’s chapters – so much of her inside out there for us to listen to, feel for and simply understand.

Having been with a trans child myself, I know how difficult people make it by simply staring, giggling absurdly and spouting, in no uncertain terms, that the trans doesn’t belong to their cis world. It is cruel and heartbreaking.

I will say no more, but end with this staggering quote in Lily’s voice:

“We aren’t here on earth in order to bend over backward to resemble everybody else. We’re here to be ourselves, in all our gnarly brilliance.”

©kamalininatesanFeb2023